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Hooligan or gay?

Hooligan or gay – that’s the question. I’m quite sure that every hooligan would agree with me: you can’t be both.
In every boy’s life gym class in elementary school is crucial awaking a love for competition. Either you are skilled at playing football – or you’re not. If you’re not and it’s choosing players for the team-time, you usually sit there as last poor boy on the bench till the teacher puts you in a team that does not want to have you at all.
At that very moment boys without football skills usually choose between becoming an agressive fat ugly hooligan – or becoming gay. I chose to become gay. It was not easy, but the gym class got funnier after I realized why I enjoyed showering after the games and I even had a thing for the characterizing process of not being chosen by my friend’s footballteam.  Still, the ones who decided to become hooligans weren’t happy with the situation and started to work off their cumulated frustration and anger with their fists.
I myself meanwhile am fighting for things like gay marriage or my partner’s and my right to adopt a child. And – I am watching football: Not because of the game of course – no, I’m scanning the audience for some gym class-buddies with fat bellies, bald heads and the „lack of attention – syndrome“. I am sure, somewhere I should spot Jakob from 5th class or even stupid Norbi from high school.
To be a hooligan and gay is not possible and what you become, is predefined early in your gym class. This thesis is consistent but for one little strange thing: a namable number of hymns that clang at the football stadiums are composed by male musician who pefer boys to girls. At the top of the gay-football-hymns-list we’ve got «We are the Champions» (Freddie Mercury, Queen/1977) and «Go West» (Pet Shop Boys/ 1993). Are you sure this happens accidentally?
Johannes Sieber is watching football also because of the player’s legs. Once a month he’s writing about the banalities and penalties for the Kuppler and hopes, that by doing so he’s contributing to making the world a better place.

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